Can you recall the last time someone asked you, “What do you want?”. You probably gave a quick, surface-level answer, and they accepted it without a second thought. But imagine if they had challenged you to dig deeper beyond the easy responses. This apparently simple question has the potential to disrupt your life and compel you to face your deepest desires and fears. It’s a question that demands honesty and courage, and most of us are unprepared for its true impact.
About 18 months ago, I was talking with a coach regarding my next career move. At the time, my job was becoming increasingly unpredictable as my contract was ending. It was unclear whether the contract would be renewed or if I would successfully get another role at the same company. I realised I loved control, and this uncertainty was hard for me to handle. I was torn between making things work in my current job and looking for similar roles in my field.
When the coach asked me, “What do you want?”, I felt uneasy. My initial response was, ‘I don’t want to worry about how long I have a job.” The coach redirected, ‘So what DO you want?” My brain started to stretch. I then said, “I don’t want to worry about money as I’ve got a mortgage and two kids.” It took me a while to get there, but eventually, I answered, “I want to be there for my family.” This was a great step, touching on my values, but I still hadn’t fully answered the question.
After what felt like an hour (maybe more like 10 minutes), I finally said, “I want to start a successful business to use my skills, knowledge, and life’s journey to help others uncover and achieve their personal and professional aspirations, all the while having the flexibility to spend time with my family while my kids are young and to be the Dad that I want to be.”
In the hustle of everyday life, it’s easy to lose sight of our true desires. Like I was, we can be too busy running away from what we don’t want to focus on what we do want. But what if you flipped the script? What if, instead of focusing on what you want to avoid, you honed in on what you truly want to achieve?
The Power of Positive Thinking
Imagine you are planning a road trip. You have a destination in mind, but all you can think about are the potholes, traffic jams, and wrong turns you want to avoid. If you focus solely on these negatives, your journey will be stressful and unpleasant. Now, imagine instead that you focus on the scenic routes, the landmarks you want to see, and the enjoyable moments you anticipate. Your trip is likely to be much more enjoyable and fulfilling.
This analogy shows the principle of positive thinking: you get what you focus on. For instance, if you’re always thinking, “I don’t want to be stressed at work”, you may still be fixated on stress and all the things or people that cause you to feel this way. This negative focus can make it harder to feel relaxed and productive. On the other hand, if you focus on finding balance and the parts of your work you do enjoy, your mindset shifts towards achieving those positive experiences.
To harness the power of positive thinking, concentrate on what you want to achieve rather than what you want to avoid. For example:
- “I don’t want to be stuck in a job with no future.” becomes “I want to find a fulfilling job that excites and challenges me.”
- “I don’t want to be stressed at work.” becomes “I want to feel balanced and productive at work.”
- “I don’t want to worry about my finances.” becomes “I want to build a stable and prosperous financial future.”
Over to You
What do you want? I challenge you to start making a list of what you want, taking care to avoid stating the things you don’t want.
For help finding clarity around your goals and how to work towards them, get in touch for a Complimentary Introductory Coaching Session.