When setbacks knock the wind out of you: A letter for when you’re in the middle of it

If you’re reading this, chances are that something important didn’t go as you had hoped.
Maybe it’s a job you didn’t get. Or a relationship that ended when you weren’t ready. Maybe you’ve been carrying the weight of money worries, burnout, or the quiet question, “Who am I now?”

Whatever it is, it matters. And you’re allowed to feel the sting of it. I’m not here to offer you a silver lining or a motivational quote.

I’m here to offer a pause. A breath. A reminder.

You might feel stretched or a little off-centre. That’s okay. It doesn’t mean you’ve lost your way — only that this is a moment that asks for care, not certainty.

You’re in a moment. Not a conclusion.

Setbacks hurt because you care

This wouldn’t sting if it didn’t matter to you.
Maybe you were building something that felt like progress. Maybe you were starting to feel hopeful again. Or maybe you were trying to keep it together, and this latest twist knocked you off balance.
Whatever version of “setback” you’re in—professional, personal, financial, emotional, or existential—this moment is asking something of you. Not to fix it. Not to pretend you’re fine. But maybe… to get still. To listen. To let it teach you something new about your strength.
Even now, there is strength within you that hasn’t disappeared. Maybe you can’t see it clearly yet, but it’s there. This could be the moment it starts to reintroduce itself.

Your worth is not on trial

It’s easy to let a setback shape the story you tell about yourself.
“I must not be good enough.””I wasted my time.””This always happens to me.”
These are not truths. These are temporary conclusions drawn in pain.
What if nothing’s wrong with you? What if what’s wrong is the pace, the pressure, or the outdated path you thought you had to follow?
You don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. You don’t need to be chosen to be valuable. And you’re allowed to redefine what success means to you now.

Gather your people

You don’t have to do this alone. However, you can choose to clarify the type of support that helps you the most.
When you’re in a setback, your inner world can feel like a maze. A team helps orient you. They reflect back the truths you’ve forgotten and offer you perspectives that don’t come easily in isolation.
Support might feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar, but it can be one of the wisest choices you make.
Here are a few roles you can assign—even if just in your imagination:

• The Listener – someone who can let you speak freely, without trying to fix it.
• The Challenger – someone who reminds you what you’re capable of, and nudges you forward.
• The Anchor – someone who reminds you of your worth when you forget.
• The Strategist – someone who can help you map the next step, even if it’s a small one.
• The Accountability Partner – someone who helps you keep promises to yourself, even when motivation fades.

Each of these roles can serve a purpose. Together, they form a support system that might help you land more softly or move forward more steadily.
And if no one is coming to mind? Start by being one of these for yourself. Write a letter. Record a voice note. Give yourself the same care you’d offer a dear friend. Sometimes just naming these roles is the first step to inviting the right people into your life.
Maybe you reach out to a friend with no script, just honesty. Maybe you write down your own name under one of those roles. That first small action? It’s not small at all.

When your carrying a lot

Sometimes setbacks hit harder than we expect. They can fog up everything — your confidence, your focus, your sense of direction.
If you’re in that space, let this be a quiet reminder: you don’t need to figure everything out today. You don’t need to carry it alone either.
Even small check-ins with people you trust, or moments of stillness, can help create a little space. Enough to breathe. Enough to see that there may be more support, more hope, more next steps than you realise.
When you’re ready, ask yourself: What’s one thing I want to remember about myself — even here, even now?

Find your next move

You don’t need a master plan right now. You don’t even need full clarity. But you do need a direction.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is remind yourself why you started. What were you aiming for? What matters about that goal? And is it still the thing that lights you up, even if it feels far away right now?
This is your moment to reconnect with that bigger picture — your North Star. Call it your compass, your why, or just a vision you care about.
If you feel ready, take a moment to reflect on what you’ve already brought to the table:

• What have you learned?
• What strengths have you shown?
• What have you already survived?

From here, decide: What stays? What needs to shift? Is this a moment to tweak your approach, or is this a numbers game, and you need to keep going?
Take the next right step — one small, honest move that connects you to who you’re becoming.
When things feel overwhelming, you don’t have to figure it all out. Just come back to what matters. What’s the goal you’re aiming for?

Ask yourself: What’s one thing I can do today that moves me a little closer to it?

If you take just one meaningful action a day for a whole week, you’ll start to feel the shift. It won’t just impact what you’re working on. It’ll shape how you see yourself along the way.

You’re allowed to rebuild, whether in leaps or in steps. Either way, you get to move at your own pace.

If this speaks to you, reach out. You don’t have to navigate this alone. Whether we work together or just talk, the first step is connection. Let’s have a real conversation and see what’s possible from here.